I don't know, but I do. And she won't believe me. And that just hurts more, because I do care. If I didn't care, this wouldn't hurt! If I was a bad person, I wouldn't be so distraught over this. If I wanted to hurt her, I would feel accomplished rather than sorry.
But no matter what I say, she's convinced of... I don't even know... everything negative a person could possibly feel towards another person. And all because of a stupid misunderstanding I can't clear up.
What hurts more than the result of such a misunderstanding? When she puts in a last word, says bye, and signs off. Clearly she has no desire to resolve any of this, and that hurts even more.
Now, to me, it will never be resolved.
People who lost loved ones in disasters like the Oklahoma City bombing and September 11th are forced to live without resolve or closure. Nobody should have to be put through that. But it's even more absurd when the lack of resolve and closure is between two people who are still alive and perfectly capable of working things out, just one of them doesn't want to. That takes a total lack of sensibility I just can't fathom.
Never before have I enjoyed talking to someone on the phone so much. Never before have I felt so comfortable in conversation. Never before could I have imagined that a person who could experience all that with me could just leave it all behind like it meant nothing at all.